we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize