If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize