All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
