walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize