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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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