The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
