Cold hands, warm shart.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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