I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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