you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
