that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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