I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
