The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Mom said you looked used
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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