Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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