Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
