Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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