paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
