Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
