You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
