i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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