Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize