Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
