i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
