I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
