girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize