Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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