Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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