at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize