The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
