Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
