i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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