we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
