Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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