I'm going to rape someone's good day.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
