Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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