dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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