he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
