We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
