alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
