YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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