i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
