Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
