Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
