I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
