I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
