I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
