i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
