just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am available for nakedness
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