Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
