my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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