My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
