What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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