return my video game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
