You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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