sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
