my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
