Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
