And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
