his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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