Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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