I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
