No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
