Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
