Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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