I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
