i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
