I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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