there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
