Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
