Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
