i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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