I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
