your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
