Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
