Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
