I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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