I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
