He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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